Those Carefree Days…
After Zoe’s first birthday, somewhere during her second year, my life changed.
I saw my child struggling and I was searching for answers. For most of that year, I was relentlessly pursuing research, physician’s opinions and professional evaluations. Eventually I traveled across the country and returned home with a diagnosis and a plan- and some peace- with those answers came a great deal of peace. But from then on, I was never really the same.
My life plan was altered, and my priorities shifted. I am happy, in my own way and decidedly blessed, however things are much more complicated.
As we enter into motherhood- we sometimes sadly say goodbye to many of the carefree freedoms of being a childless couple. Margarita night becomes impossible when caring for a toddler who wakes through the night. Lazy afternoons in the sun, or romantic quiet dinners with your husband require advance planning, and childcare…. but that’s okay,. Motherhood is rewarding and the occasional splurge or indulgence of time alone can still be thrilling.
Moments when you can be carefree and fun, and live in the past, just a little….Times when you can let your hair down with a friend, relax a little. Fill the tub with bubbles and rejuvenate.
But even with strategic planning, I just can’t seem to get there. Although I am happy and greet every day with optimism- things no longer seem carefree and simple to me. I envy my friends who lead simple, carefree lives without complication. Or at least that is my perception of their lives. I celebrate with them and share their happiness- but I feel alone with my own thoughts, in my very different life.
I remember when life was so simple. When I was more of a carefree spirit. When the sun warming my skin was enough to soothe my soul and when I could wander the produce aisles at the store, thinking only of about dinner and the evening ahead. When I spent more time, listening, laughing and loving…
Although I may not laugh as often, I am a better person in many other ways. Like many other mothers, I am changed by a child.