Although I can’t see him , I know he is there. The problem is that he is at least 10 feet away, sleeping in a different bed. The very last place I want my husband to be.
It is after midnight and very dark in the room.We are staying in a hotel, close to the hospital where our daughter Zoe is receiving treatment . My husband and 4 year old daughter Olivia have flown in to join Zoe and I. Our final consultation with the doctor is tomorrow.
Zoe is having a rough night, so I am laying next to her in a double bed. .I can hear Olivia’s deep even breathing as she sleeps peacefully in the outer room of the hotel.
I am wide awake and agitated, and it isn’t because Zoe is sick or even because she threw up all over me the hour before. No, like many women across the country I am laying eyes open, wide awake , exhausted and agitated because of a man. My partner of 8 years, the love of my life, my husband managed to irritate me before he fell into a deep and, judging by the sound of it, peaceful sleep.
Given the stress of traveling across the country, and the purpose of our visit- various medical tests and consultations for Zoe’s mitochondrial disease- it is probably not surprising that the cause of this upset is something completely trivial. However,due to the same stresses conceding to logic and reason at this moment is a challenge. After all, my husband and I have been apart for the last 5 nights, it had been a stressful week and tonight, I was looking forward to his arrival and the comfort of lying next to him as I fell asleep.
Sadly- the topic of our not-so-nice verbal exchange was nothing of importance. In fact it was caused by my fussing and caring a bit too much. In the midst of my trying to soothe one daughter to sleep, he was left with a short couch and no available bed. After a long day, he fell into a deep sleep . And, after finishing with my daughter and finding him, all 6 ft. 4 of him, laying half in and half out of this very short couch, I insisted on rousing him and moving one sleeping child so that he could sleep comfortably in the other bed. Which by the sound of it ( again) he is enjoying and sleeping in quite comfortably.
However, for my kind-hearted intentions and good wifely fussings, I receive admonishment from a an overtired guy who protests that he would have been perfectly comfortable sleeping the night away on an undersized couch. Go figure.
So I lay here awake, and wishing that I was asleep, curled within his arms sleeping next to his cranky self. Zoe coughs and I hope it is her last cough for the night. Soon she will be asleep and I will tiptoe across the room, lift the blanket and climb in bed next to my husband. There in my home away from home, next to him, I will find my own peaceful sleep and the comfort that I crave.