My heart hurts-and it has been for a few weeks now. Every day it heals a bit. And every day I find happiness. Sometimes, I find the happiness in the simplest of things.
Tonight at bedtime, Zoe's tiny hands found my chin in the dark. Taking my chin,she turned my face gently as she placed a soft kiss on each cheek. She finished with her rosebud lips on mine. Sheer happiness.
This morning I was nudged awake by my four year old, Olivia . Her persuasion was brilliant .“ Mommy.. .“ She persisted.."Mommy..It’s time to wake up. Daddy made the coffee and it’s ready for you.” It was 6:30, and I had only been in a deep sleep a few hours. I giggled first, and then I got vertical. There was good coffee and family waiting. There would be time in the pool after breakfast- time to be spent making memories.
Friday night, my husband and I celebrated the weekend – and our time to come together as a family. No therapy sessions, no appointments, little work – and mostly fun. We begin our weekend with a great dinner, a nice bottle of wine- we make a wonderful meal with fresh ingredients from our own kitchen. This is how we like to celebrate and this makes me happy.
Yesterday, Saturday morning was different. I lay in bed-anticipating a trip to the lab , more blood tests for Zoe. I attempted to count how many times we have experienced the needle sticks- I stopped counting at 20 something. She is only three- and each time it still hurts a little. Each time changes my perspective.
So that is what I struggle with- my perspective. I am lucky and I am blessed. I believe this.We are together as a family- and we are happy. We are however living with a real threat- a real disease .And every morning when I awake , my heart hurts a little with this reality. But each day, I vow to seek the simple celebrations.Celebrations of beauty- like the quiet of the morning, an occasional cup of coffee on the patio taking in the flowers and the scenes of the desert morning. Celebrations of love- snuggles, hugs and kisses- and celebration of family… making memories.