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November 2008
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April 2009

Looking at the World Through Rose Colored Glasses

Rose colored gal

 

 “Sitting on the beach in Maui.” the text message read.  I had just checked my phone. I thought about how to reply to this life long friend. We don’t talk much anymore but we still remain connected. I put my phone down and grabbed the stainless steel mixing bowl I was holding... My reply would read “Sitting on the bathroom floor... Holding O’s vomit bowl !!  Maybe with enough exclamation marks, it would give her a laugh.

 

It’s hard to explain how I feel when friends of mine sympathize saying... “You have your hands full… “Because, really. I don’t. We are blessed.

 

It is true that I am always worrying about energy levels, watching the girls for flushed faces, fevers or just fatigue. Shadowing Zoe to prevent her falls, keeping an eye on her seizures that break through the medicine barrier. It’s true that O’s health issues have progressed, her anxiety, an unpredictable new issue. But really, we are so very lucky.

 

I know a lot about mitochondrial disease now. It was five years ago when an expert doc handed me a packet of info saying “Go home and read this. Clinical cases vary, so please don’t focus on the internet case studies.”

 

Back then, the disease was so newly documented, only the worst cases were published. And yes, I read them. Most were fatal, devastating descriptions about loss of vision, mobility, motor functions and eventually...life. Over the years, that’s why I have been reluctant to tell others where to go on the internet to read more about it. The information is misleading, depending where you go, what you read. Depending on how you look at the world. But here are the facts; it is a progressive disease. There is no treatment or cure. But here are the even more important facts: Every case varies. Patients can have periods of time where their health can stabilize. Managing good health, and avoiding metabolic stress or illness, can delay the progression of the disease. And most of all, none of us have the unconditional promise of tomorrow, no matter how healthy we are today.

 

Over the years, I have come to know other children affected by the disease. Children who have been cherished. Children who have accomplished much. The same children who have eventually lost- and left the lives of the family who loved them.

 

Last week, we saw the local eye doctor who confirmed that Zoe’s retinopathy is slowly progressing. For a moment I stood there thinking about how to make the most of her seeing years, however many there could be 2, 5, 10 years?  Scene after scene flashed through my mind, more painting, more play dough, pink ruffled dresses, more glitter lip gloss- promising myself not to waste a moment. But then the doc moved on and talked about the new glasses she needed. Her vision decreasing and requiring a new pair of enhanced lenses. And with her new glasses she would see even better than she was at that moment- improvement. So with the help of her sister, Zoe selected a snappy new pair of Juicy Couture rose pink colored glasses.

  

Yesterday, we picked them up. I drove home from the appointment smiling, listening to Zoe happily singing along to the radio.. I checked her reflection often from my rear view mirror. She looked pretty and so grown up as she sat looking out the backseat window.. Did she see more today wearing her new glasses, as she looked out the backseat window? How would she feel when someday she saw less..?

 

Her sister was at home with Daddy, napping on the couch, curled up in her favorite blanket . A trip to the doc had procured a medicine for her nausea and she was finally resting comfortably.

 

I felt the flush of warmth within me. For today, we are doing something. Being proactive we can keep them healthy.We are managing. Medicines can make the girls feel better. Glasses can help Zoe see more. We are choosing- to look at the world through rose colored glasses.


Seriously..I .uh… Googled it.

There is no better place for this confession than here. Like most moms- I experience many moments of pure bliss- and those other moments that are down low- you know, those times when you just aren’t sure what to try next.. how you are going to make it better. And at many of those times, I confess.. Google was there for me.

It started with my desire for pure efficiency. Google was the fastest way to find out . And I have googled a lot. I have googled favorite authors, hard to find items to purchase, news stories, long lost phone numbers, recipes, puppy training questions, herb growing recommendations, art projects, lyrics to the kids favorite songs..

I have also googled abnormal lab values, while I worried and waited impatiently for the doctor’s call. I have googled the prognosis for my daughter’s retinal deterioration, to see the collected Google opinion about how much longer she will be able to see. I have googled myself (okay who hasn’t) but only after my Fathers’ book Crossbearer was reviewed and  New York Times book reviewer Christopher Buckley  referred to me as the “ out of wedlock daughter” , but the all time low was when I googled this.. “ how to make 8 year old girl happy” .

Seriously. (seriously as in, that one word made famous by Gray’s Anatomy that conveys disbelief, amazement, defeat, acceptance, condolence) I actually googled “ How+to+make+an+8+year+old+girl+happy.” Seriously.

I missed her smile, her charm, her affection , the way she shimmited across her bedroom floor as she sang her favorite songs- the way she used to start her day by sleepily climbing into my lap in the early morning, her body still warm from deep sleep, her eyes only half open as she wrapped her arms around me and settled into me. I missed her and I was trying everything. I went back to basics, more love, more sunshine, more backyard time- and when nothing was working I actually asked Google what I might be missing. Today she is getting better. New medicines, some new doctors- eventually we got to the bottom of it. But along the way, there were times when she looked terrible and I felt worse.

Here is what Google won't even try to tell you. How you should answer a curious child who approaches Zoe and I , loudly questioning- “ Why can’t she walk?”  What to say as the child stops and stares at my intelligent, sweet little girl, whose face falls as she realizes that the child isn’t just saying hello but  instead staring curiously at her walker or wheelchair . What I am supposed to say as the child looks at me m staring past Zoe  as if she isn’t even there. And  I feel for the parent standing there awkwardly , mouth hanging open- but I feel for Zoe more. And I don’t want Zoe to feel any more different than she already does, I don’t want to call attention to what she cannot do- I don't want to talk about what challenges her. And so for this question, there is no perfect answer. Even at Google.

  


Spring Break Staycation

Photo2 Photo1 

It’s Spring Break, and while others are scooping up recession result vacation deals and leaving sunny Scottsdale behind- we are at home, enjoying the comforts and taking care of business.

Usually I protect the kids vacation time. Even if we stay home, we make each day a holiday -with fun out of the ordinary stuff. This break however, we needed to catch up with a variety of annual check-ups, a therapy appt, and other miscellaneous health care appointments. The girls have missed a lot of school lately, and I couldn’t justify not taking advantage of their open schedule. So in between, we steal our moments.

Time spent in the backyard- new sand & toys in the sandbox! Croquet golf on the freshly cut grass,chalk drawings on the side patio, enjoying bottle after bottle of new bubbles! Chocolate ice cream in pink and green cones. new pet Betta fish- ( Daisy & Sparky!) A trip to our local Build-A-Bear store , spring sprinkle donuts, a leisurely visit to our local library- with Zoe getting her first library card and proudly writing her name on the back, then sitting in her power chair “self- checking “out all of her books and mine. “ No, I am going to do it myself!” She told the nice library aide.  Washing the dog and getting soaked in the process.. well you get the point.. good clean family fun.

 And in the midst of all the normalcy, I try not to focus on the scraps of soberly spoken statements from the doc's we have seen.. " It may take a year or more for her (O) pre-ulcerous stomach to heal .. It could be an uphill battle with her body producing excess acid from the mitochondrial disease." .. The referral from Zoe's primary peds to a new local neuro.. " the subtle symptoms could be seizure related" our agreement.. to wait and watch. Late today will be in-depth eye exams for both girls. With Zoe's progressive retinopathy and prognosis for continued vision loss, and O's related risks.. This isn't an everyday check up. It is a day spent holding my breath until the exam is over, and we know better where we stand .. for now.

Today will be a day spent soaking in all of the happiness today has to hold- Lunch on the patio, time spent in the backyard, board games at the kitchen table, elaborate art projects with bead bracelet making, the girls mimicking American Idol , Zoe one handed in her walker while her other hand clutches a pink Barbie microphone, O- her face full of joy bouncing around  to the beat of the music, smiling , she is full of energy today.

Life is what you make it. Every minute, every day. And for now, I can’t think of all the what if’s. There are just too many that come with mitochondrial disease .